where is my organized chaos?

So here I am at 10:22 pm writing a post when I have 200 pages of a novel to read for tomorrow at 8:30 am where I also might have a quiz. If you can figure out the logic as to why I am here instead of buried deep within the novel please let me know.

Tonight I had my 3 hour (oh yes, 3 hours - you read that correctly) psych class. Now normally I walk to that class with low hopes because I despise psych. Normally I want to bang my head off of something while I sit in one of the seats. Tonight however I experienced a miracle. I am serious. A miracle. I - wait for it - ENJOYED psych. I'm slightly dazed at the moment. I simply cannot fathom what has happened. But nevertheless it is true. I enjoyed psych class tonight for the very first time. We had a new professor this evening - Dr. Tripp and we were talking about Abnormal psych - aka mental disorders. Rather interesting.
In all seriousness though I have experienced what I would call a miracle. You laugh. I'm serious. I simply cannot fathom it.

Once class was over, my friend and I walked home (why take the bus when you can walk and freeze in -25 degree weather?) and turning onto my street for some reason I looked up at the stars.

Something important to note about me is that I love the stars. Growing up in Toronto you don't see very many of them, what with pollution and city lights and all, and it wasn't until this summer that I saw the sky completely filled with stars. I was awestruck. At first glance it looked like completely chaos up there - everything running into everything else, no space to move around, (hey I'm sure that stars want to move and stretch as well), but then I paused and looked deeper, harder and realized that there is organization. That everything has it's place and that what I originally took for disorder was really just me not understanding the pattern of things.

In my travels (haha, I seem so wise) I have seen some seriously beautiful things that I thought nothing could compare to - glaciers, Rocky Mountains, killer and humpback whales depending on which coast I was on, ice bergs, remains of old civilizations, dinosaur bones, red sands, lonely islands, and yet, all of that, despite how beautiful it all is, seems to pale slightly in comparison to the stars.

Looking up at the sky tonight I saw one the dippers (I really don't know if it was big or small) and even though that was awesome, the sky was so empty. I couldn't see all of my stars. Where is my organized chaos?!

That got me thinking (I seriously think alot) of how much my life is like that at the moment. There is so much that I don't see about my future or even about the present situation that I find myself in. There is no way for me to know the whole picture all of the time - or even at all - but I have to trust that it's there - just like my stars (and my organized chaos) is there even when I can't see them.

That seems so philosophical for me to say. But it's true. The stars remind me of a steady heartbeat. They also remind me to stop being so narcissistic - that there is more in the world than just me. And so I wonder - who else is looking up at my stars? And what are they thinking? Do they see my organized chaos? What else do they see? What stories do they know about the stars that I do not?

This post is full of rather strange musings - I'm blaming psych. So I guess the question that I will leave you with and ask of cyberspace is what do you see/think of/dream of/wonder about when you look at the stars? What stories do you know about them?

Random thought: what would happen if the stars refused to shine?

philosophy of life: read first, post later?